On the Soul of the Apostolic Nature
of Grace
Sitting here on a Sunday finds me reading the Confessions of
St. Augustine for the fourth time in as many years. Rife within his mission it
is to bring me to believe those things, which I not only have believed but also
do still believe even though I have a hard time believing them, namely, the
nature of grace and its application to my daily life. For what sort of life
have I lived if not for the very grace that allowed me to live it?
Certainly not one of
my own for as it is written; “Apart from God you can do nothing.” But that
being said, nothing should daunt us from that very thing that Christ wants of
us and so ardently denies those who might thwart his plans. I speak of unconditional
surrender. You speak of divide and
conquer and I concede with a yes- divide me, conquer this tepid immoral soul.
Too much? Well then, when was the last time you read
Augustine? He tends to make you feel small and is probably the reason not enough
of us read him anymore. The fact is, most of us need to feel important, worthy
of the Christian call when in fact none of us are worthy to tie the sandal
straps of the almighty and yet in arrogance we think we should have ours tied
by him.
We ask for bread and he provides. We ask for manna and he
gives us meat, then we ask for manna because the meat is too tough and
therefore he gives. We ask for our cross to be taken from us and he says no, it
is enough for you and there rebellion begins with the forgetting of the manna,
bread from heaven…the Eucharist. When did we forget our God? At the very moment
that we forgot ourselves and focused on the me. At the very same time that we
forgot our parents is the same exact moment that we stopped living in community
with the body of Christ. It happened nowhere near puberty but at the exact
moment we stopped eating our peas. And in that moment we exclaimed, “ I will
not serve.”
What you meant was, you will not serve me, but
rather, I will serve myself regardless of your concern. Evil never eats the
peas, and the good in us always eats the carrots too. There, at that moment,
the great teacher instilled in us the option to choose and that option remains
the rest of our lives. Some take it, many do not, but it is there- waiting like
a feather waits to fly, hanging on for that one last dear moment before death
that is the Christ we know.
Be still and know
that he is God. Be still (and yes it bears repeating,) and know that the God of
the universe is much better equipped to bestow upon us all that we need while
needing nothing from us; except our whole heart. Now, those of us in love know
what it means to give your heart to another so, begging the question, why not
give it to God? It cannot hurt you know. God always gives back ten-fold. And if
we would only try, God will make up the difference, guaranteed.
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